Inspire pie here

This whole thing was based upon seeing the first picture, and deciding it would be funny to stick a big pie in the guys mouth. Then I extended the principle, and what followed was quite amusing, at least for a wee small while.

In my mind I'd envisaged it as an ever growing collection of images and situations, in the same way that, say, failblog is. And I'm generally quite pleased with the posts that were made here.

But it's a very small idea to cover an increasingly large area, and although there are no shortage of subjects, or ways to link the blog to contemporary events, it was going to start getting repetitive very quickly.

Hence the lack of posts.

I could insert other things (safety pins, lampshades, toast, atoms, giraffes, treacle)

I could extend the principle from just inserting pies into people's mouths to other things (anuses, letterboxes, disk drives, round pies into square holes, portfolios)

But as I mentioned in a previous post, it's all a bit of a one-trick pony.

So I guess I'm declaring this blog in hiatus, until I can think of something clever to do with it.

Many thanks to John Cooper, better known to me as his monicker , MachineryElf, at the Head Heritage and Doodlebug websites, for his enthusiasm and help. Apologies for not using the material you sent me, John. It's not that it wasn't worth using. More that I didn't want to burn up a limited idea too quickly.

He got the munchies!

Give this man a huge category 5 pie immediately. And a mars bar. And 20 silk cut. And a packet of green rizla.

O C C U _ _ _ D

OK, so the non-insertion of pie can turn you into a stick insect, but that's not the only danger.

Isn't Bono amazing?

I was saddened to hear that he was injured last week while out for a walk. The driver of that cabin cruiser should have been watching where he was going.

But few people realise that it's a regular insertion of pie that keeps Bono on the path of righteousness.

Here's what happens when he's due for a slice.



And here's what happens when he doesn't get it.

Why pie?

See this?



See the mouth? It's shut tight. No way could you insert a pie into that. Not even a small one.

And you can see the result for yourself. Either she's 11 feet tall, or she's about 3 stone.

Er...

What's that then? A 4? A 5? Go back and compare it with Ted Nugent. Then try to erase the hideous associations such a comparison conjures up.

This is also, so far, the closest I've got to posting a female person for pie insertion. I'm not sure what that says really. I shall have a pie and shut up.

More music

David Gedge is the song writer and front man for a British indie band called "The Wedding Present". Often his songs are a sometimes painfully personal look at love, warts and all.

But here he's singing about apple pie. It's a metaphor for covert assassinations by the CIA. The poison they used tasted a bit like apples, so they'd put it into something that already tasted like apples to mask the taste.

Really, I included him because I wanted an excuse to put a song about pie in here. I am rather partial to The Wedding Present though.

Even though he's not singing about unrequited love right at this moment, you can still see the pain writ large on his face.

He wants that pie. He wants it. He wants it so badly. Comfort eating probably. His last girlfriend's now going out with his best mate.



Category 3. Steak and ale. On it's way.

Is the size of your mouth related to the size of...

...your ego?

Huh? What did you think I was going to say?

This is Ted Nugent. Try to stick a pie in his mouth, and he'll probably shoot you. And then brag about it. Except he can't, because both his arms have turned into guitars. Which means he won't be able to play either of them.

Hurrah!



So a big category 4 wild deer and commie pie for Ted. Not as big as Andy Murray's though.

Many thanks to John Cooper for sending this.

But that's not all he sent!

He also sent a picture of 80's Rock God, David Lee Roth.



David stands out amongst 80's Rock Gods because of his humility and asceticism. Even while his mouth says "big pie please", his fingers tell a different story. His fingers are positioned in eager anticipation of recieving a teeny weeny little pie!

Anything to oblige. A category 1 pie has been duly inserted.

Porky pies

I don't know what prompted my post title for this one, but feast your eyes on a figure who's very much in the news today.

It's Tony! Tony Blair! And he's got a pie! An enormous, invisible pie! And he's not going to be able to get it all into his mouth in one go. But you can't fault him for trying.



Actually, he's telling parliament that an absolutely humungous pie is about to land on an orphanage in Bermondsey. Should be here in... ooh, lets say about 45 minutes. Ready cooked. Scaldingly hot in the centre. Do some serious damage to the poor orphans, a pie like that. But it's more than just a big pie. It's a nuclear and biological category 10 anthrax pie!

Better invade Rochdale then.

This blog is, of course, dedicated to a single simple idea. It's a one trick pony - a phrase that just happens to be a spoonerism.

What do we do with pies?

Yes, that's right. We Munch them.

Munch Munch Munch Munch Munch.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmunch.



No wonder he's so upset. He hasn't had a pie for weeks. Hardly up to Wayne Rooney proportions though. Just a smallish, category two pie for this fellow.

Wayne Rooney

Give this man a pie, immediately. A medium, category 3 pie will suffice.

Welcome to INSERT PIE HERE!

I found a picture, and on that picture was a banner proclaiming "Judas"

Underneath that banner was a mouth. A wide open "O" of a mouth that you could have wedged a pie in.

Here it is. The image that started it all... You could get a category 3 pie into this mouth.



This still would not have merited more than a post on a discussion board had it not been for a post on a discussion board, which linked to another picture.



Yes, Andy Murray, famous British tennis player, had won a match, and was demanding a pie as reward. Sideways. with the horns sticking out. You could fit a pie into this mouth that wouldn't stand a chance of getting into the mouth of the Burnley Judas bloke. Category 5 for sure.

So that's what this blog is about. If I find people asking, like chicks in a nest, for a nice porkie pie, I will post them here.

If you should stumble across such an image, please feel free to e-mail me